Tiny Brave Human

Unemployment and Hyper-Independence

I'm tired of thinking about being unemployed. It's a nagging cloud hanging over me. I AM trying to find a job but the type of job I'm looking for and the current condition of the job market means that what I'm really looking for is serendipity, kismet, luck. What I've concluded is that the only way for me to find a job is to ask a lot of people for a lot of help.

Unfortunately, nothing scares me more than asking people for help. What if they reject me or judge me? What if the conversation is awkward? What if I'm bothering them?

Ironically, I LOVE being asked for help.

Why am I so hyper-independent? Why do I believe that others can't or won't help me? It's not like I was neglected as a child. But I did often feel misunderstood by the adults around me and even more so by my peers. I got used to feeling uncomfortable and on the outside. At the same time, I was praised for my good behavior and obedience. I was "a joy to have in class" kind of kid. I generally just surrendered to my lack of agency and went along with whatever I was asked to do.

I was recently reading The Confidence Code by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman. The authors concluding that it's really important to teach young girls to be a pain in the ass. Don't constantly praise them for being well behaved because it will become their identity. It signals that their worth is largely determined by their willingness to acquiesce.

I wish I had been more of a pain in the ass as a kid because it would be a lot easier to ask for what I want and need as an adult.